You know, sometimes i really just can't be bothered. i really do.
1 I dislike doing extra stuffs.
2 I hate troublesome stuffs.
3 I have times when i really don't wish to think about stuffs.
4 I just wana have some fun.
5 I am not ready,
neither am i prepare to sacrifice my
-time
-money
-effort
-mind
-energy
-feelings
for something
that doesn't concern me
doesn't benefit me in anyway whatsoever.
6 I would gladly live for myself,
without constantly
worrying
getting angry
being happy
being sad
being remorseful
getting panicky
getting anxious
getting hurt
getting uber headache
over anything else but myself.
You may not get what i mean.
but I never said i'm not selfish
and i definitely never mention i expect things to go my way.
all i asked was to leave me alone.
get out of my face.
stand aside
stay clear
without stepping on my tail
and just see what i do
how i do
without you or anyone else
making a crude comment
giving me advices
or simply bother with what i do.
i am what i present myself to be.
nothing more nothing less
if u have to expect more from me
i would say i'll gladly disappoint you.
B'cause hey, listen up, i don't give much of a shit what
you have to say. no one does. so learn to hush.
'cause even bitches have their quiet days. =)

so much to do so little time.
one yr to ord and i will have too much time.
sigh, i hate life. =)

another fren's bdae has past, a lil more broke. LOL. anyway that isn't the main point. its always another reason to meet up wif my friends. mayb cuz of my hectic life, seem like ages since i last saw them tho. lol. left camp at 1 today, cuz.. really dun have much to do. slack a lil, surf a lil net , caught a nap and went out to fetch you aik. wah lao his workplace hor is really, tsk. lj location. its like somewhere in a corner of a bz road with no U turns. so when u miss the turn, thats it. a long way down the way then can manage to u turn, somemore is illegal one. i left at 530, manage to get to him at 630. wth rite.LOL finally reach bugis at like duno wad time, i only know it was dark alrdy.meet up wif yina and juan. later on wif kh weibin and yuan da. wah so weird man, nv went out like this b4, but still ok la can talk. LOL this stupid yina, keep disiaoing me. sis pls gimme a break ok =D. BO ENG.
anyway, had steamboat. ok la alot of beef. ate alot of em. think i ate like 10 plates tgr wif yina. lol. see we both like beef. yummy. but not really very good. the beef not very fresh. quite annoyed. ahahah i hate it when food is not up to my expectation. quite picky in such. so yeah spent quite sometime dining and chatting, was just enjoyable for me tho im pretty tired. hey im a soldier ok, my body rest lil but work alot. dun keep saying im acting dao! im not sian, im jsut trying to keep myself awake la!. LOL aft that went some cafe to slack. wah lao the drinks. buang. i du neven rem wad i order, heck i din even finish half of it. and juan's drink was purely disgusting. nuf said. LOL. ho gai siao ah yina. LOL
anyhow, been sometime since i really went out so quite pleased. hope to meet up wif my friends often, kinda getting lifeless nowadays. but have to wait for them exam to be over! but will i be free den ? i DUNO. thailand pls!!!

Out.

and again today the rain spoil my day. yay. suppose to meet my fellow ps at his place and go camp tgr today. somehow din manage to happen due to the rain and our laziness. hahaha. suppose to move out at 7am but due to the rain we keep delaying.. waiting for the rain to stop. or rather hoping the rain will stop. lol! when we gave up its alrdy like 715. uber late alrdy so i decide to call a cab.
how long u tink i took from tamp to reach bedok? siao siao, 30mins u noe. hahah when i reach his place it was alrdy 745. madness man. and the cab fare was like 15dollars excluding surcharge and peak hr charge and booking fee. imaging the hole i burn in my wallet. hahaha. so i picked him up, and proceed to camp. once we hit PIE, wee jam again all the way to the exit to go to our camp. when we reach camp its like 54bucks alrdy. haha i nv took such an expensive cab b4. share also 25 dollars each, big hole in the pocket man. oh yea and during the trip to camp, we were like hoping CSM doesnt call to look for us, but suay suay he did call my fren first. he silent the call and i offed my fone. hahaha! we knew we are in deep shit but we dun care! excuse all prepared alrdy! LOL.

we planned to use ATM to pay for the fee.. but.. due to the rain and what not, CANNOT PROCESS! hahahahah! keep trying and trying! but cannot work, lucky the taxi driver is kind, told us to transfer it to his bank acc. see i dun look like a bad guy! he trust me!hahah! i did pay ok! nv zhao cab. anyway the suay-est thing is.. when we wwere trying in vain to process our ATM payment, guess whu drove by. MY CSM! HAHAH he horned at us and we all gave the 'siao liao' face. LOL he went for a meeting straight away so we din get to see him till noon.

he sms-ed me halfway in his meeting ' tommy, u and adrian discuss what to have for lunch and dinner. preferably something from outside'. found the msg weird so asked adrian what he meant. hahah dumb me. 'CSM WAN US TO TREAT HIM LA.' hahahaha! what the hell. i even replied' err encik for today?' LOL my CSM act cute also. he sent back' if u wan for the whole week also can.' that was when i noe, he still can joke, so not that angry. LOL. heng man.

right aft his meeting he called us up to his office. and gave us a 'dressing down'. first ting he said to us was ' wah lao u 2 do stupid stunt rite. late dun wan to tell me, call adrian nv pick up, call tommy he off fone, why lidat!'. so me and adrian decided to lie our way throught so came the stupid excuses of, nv hear and no batt. i even said' encik! everytime u call me i sure pick up one! this time really no batt!' and for that he replied to me 'YA! thats why! when i call u ur fone off, i noe sth wrong alrdy! dammit!' LOL. wah lao. damn funny. starting tot we both were in big trouble. lucky for us our csm is a kind man, made us treat him food thats all.
HAPPY :D its always stuffs like this that make me like the army. a good superior brings good working enviornment and mood. =)

yay! happy. cuz today got no work! dun ask me why i also duno, my csm ask me no need go to work. anyway, happy that i dun have to work, but sad cuz i wasted my offday slping. SLPING! wah lau wasting my time! hahaha. anyway from my previous post, really having a headache for an upgrade. one's about power another is about speed. so hard to choose, not enuf money for both. thats quite a sad thing for me. alot of ppl ask me why that indulgence in machines and wasting so much money. i duno how to explain but its a very big passion for me. i know its boring to be into such stuffs but its something that keeps me happy! hahaha. the engine, the sound of the exhaust, the thrill the speed and the torque. i fell in love with em, hard to get myself out of the big big hole, which burn a big big hole in my pocket. hahaha.girls spend alot on make up dresses and what not, also waste so much money! so i tink its fair :D. just mayb mine's on a bigger scale? hhaha whatever to keep myself happy! only a few can understand, the rest will always be questioning. i only live once, im only young once. 8 more yrs and im 30. no more time for me to play, so i gotta enjoy myself. while it last ;)

random post for ur reading pleasure. be thankful ok! haha

tough choice over
or this


i chose the black one. but i can change my option anytime

See yun, my lousy chinese made me type out one post in like 1 hr. so much time wasted. appreciate it please. hahahaha! this post cant be typed in chinese, i will never finish it in time to go back camp you know. haha.

anyway, this week and the incoming weeks will be damn busy for me. i have plenty of administrative work to do, for a start i have to plan their outfield stufss and proficiency lessons and test. i have to schedule them for mortar conversion courses and many. other then that, i have stuffs which only include myself. firstly i have to attend my platoon sgt course in may for the armour phrase. i seek advices from my new CSM who is, for now a terribly nice guy, sharing alot of his experience with me which i find it really helpful in the way i manage my men and specialists. on top of that he lets me have my way with my men, trusting i will not bring them to harm. trust, so hard to give, yet he was willing to trust me. i kinda learn when to be strict and hard on them, but i'm soft and caring for them. hey im caring ok. i make sure all their welfare are fulfilled and their discipline intact and they work hard in everything they do. in my absences, i hope they will do the same too as i will be away for about a month or so.
i feel the growth of my platoon for the time i took command of them and they have yet to really disappoint me alot.
ok back to the course. i heard from my CSM its rather siong, which i like. hahah! im not a sadist but i love the field so much. being dirty and tired with a bunch of soldiers, doing stupid stuffs and working tgr. its an experience only found out in the open, where you are tested for ur capabilities and mental strength. so much i love being a soldier, i still hate the mosquitoes. but thats another thing. i read up on my subjects that i will be learning. platoon skills, management, discipline etc. which is what i need to learn more about now. tho i wouldnt be with my subordinates and men, i know they will wait for me to be back and hoping i will be back fast. else no one will take care of them, and give them all the nights off and fight for benefits for them. =D when im away they will miss me for sure ahaha!
nxt up i have a selection for ranger. wth ranger u say. mad. i myself too din expect it. but my CO being a ranger, wants the specialists regardless of nsf or regular to take up the challenge. i did not take up the challenge. he selected me . up till now i don't know whether i will regret or not but i will just give it a shot. its all about my pride, im not prepared to let it down yet. tough it may be but i have started my training, whatever comes i will take it head on. my fighting spirit is high so dun try me. :D but b4 all of this crap i have to go for a selection which is not easy and to be honest im kinda scared of it. it sounds really xiong and i wonder if my body can take it given the injuries i have gotten ever since im in the army. if i can, then its good, else i can tell myself i have given my all and have no regrets, just like in everything i do.

nxt, wahlau i hate the weather nowadays. the rain. omg, i don't know if i can call it rain anymore, everytime it showers, it a thunderstorm. whats happening to the weather man. for example on friday when i woke up in the morning to go to camp, the weather was fine at tampines when i started my bike to go to work, so i decided not to bring my rain coat along. along the expressway, i could see lightning flashing like mad in the sky, made me wonder if its going to rain. who knows that once i reach eunos, the little bomblets started hitting on me. for those who dont know its f-ing painful to ride in the rain, putting being wet aside, when u travel at 90-100km/h in the rain, the raindrops hit u like a stone. im not joking. its freaking painful, i even got my finger cut by the rain or sth, i duno. its like fighting a mini war out there cannot siam the bullets, just have to take them all. freaking painful u noe. all this kinda makes me wonder if i shld continue riding. to say the truth, i love riding, alot in fact. its a hobby which i never regretted altho i spent alot and alot of money on it. its a kind of passion for me, whenever i saddle on my bike i feel different. when i ride the feeling is great, whether jam or not, my mind is always clear, free and not thinking about anything else. nth else i do can give me such a feeling. but now i have to consider giving up on it due to the terrible weather. serious i don't care if the world is dying and what not i just hate it when stuffs i cant control like rain stops me from doing the things i like. dammit. alternatively i can drive to camp, both are transport, but driving will nv give me the feeling i have when i ride. very reluctant, but i will have to make a decision within the nxt few weeks. sigh. i hate this.

期望。
无论我去到哪儿，都会跟在我身边。我不知道为什么，我身边的人个个都对我有很大的期望。读书时，他们都期待我的成绩。上班时， 从同事到上司都会期待我能做出奇迹。感情上也一样。可能对某些人来说，对于他们的期望是一中很大的推动力。可是我能感觉的是一股很大的压力。挺多人都说我不了解我自己，可是我明白的是我不需要这些多余的负担。

打个比方，上学时，老师跟父母都会常常对我说要专心一点，放多些心去念书，成绩会好一些。但是听了那么多鼓励的话，我的成绩依然还是没什么进步。听了那么多，心里也慢慢告诉自己，成绩是我的，干吗你比我还担心。奇怪。难道我的成绩会把你当老师的计分搞得好一点?会不会是我考的好一些，做父母的面子会大一点?我不知道。我明白的是我渐渐对于上课和念书感到非常反感。慢慢的我对它的兴趣都没了。
幸好，他们都渐渐的对我放弃了，没人在我耳边唠叨。舒服的心情下我能够找回我的兴趣，抓紧时间准备O水准。成绩那方面，我本身觉得很满意。可是还会有人说如果我努力一点，早一点准备我的成绩会考的根好。
白痴。好白目的想法。如果是如他们所说的，我可能连考试都没去了。

感情呢，作为一位男朋友，能做的我都尽力去做好它，甚于是多做了我的本分。可是对方总是觉得还不够，需要多一些。一年过了，我还是做的还不够。靠。我知道我不完美，可是我相信我付出的，不是每个男生能够做的到。两年也过了，不满意，你另外去找一个能符合你要求的吧。我对感情的要求不多，为什么别人都要求那么多呢?只要我爱，做再多我也愿意，但我所做的永远不够，永远不够好。对不起我不是情圣，如果你感觉不到我的真诚，我也没办法！ =D 男人也会憔悴的OK。自由了以后我感觉那么的舒畅，我暂时不想那么快在进入爱得河里。尋死我不要﹗

工作上，我也一样碰到一样的压力，一样的负担。我知道我聪明，也明白我很能干，可是我不是才子，奇迹我不会，努力我有限。当兵对我而言也是一份工作。我手下有六位士官，三十多个列兵。對於他們的期望我只要求專，心努力，老实跟守规矩。平时他们都没对不起我，都做的很好，我也没什么好骂的。可是上头说我的兵懒惰，不守规矩。我认为他们都是人，都需要一点点空间，不能管的太过严厉。一群男生在一起重会玩的比较多一点。难道他们都不明白吗?如果我管的太严，他们会连做事的心情都没有。我明白，因为我尝试过，我不希望别人会有被逼得感觉。只要士气高，叫他们做什么，效果会好一点，人也会努力一点。可是也被我的上头说我不努力教好我的兵，不去了解他们，常常放他们在我士官的管治下。屁啦，我们的感情那么好，可是你看不到，因为你太忙，当你看到你不爽的地方，就很自然的来跟我唠叨。我相信他们，也很了解他们的个性。人也是我的，我觉得怎么管教他们应该由我决定，不是你。如果真的打起仗来，陪他们去送死的是我，不是你。You can advise, but please don't question the way i discipline my men.i trust they will fight for me during adversity, just as much as i will fight for you & the country.

那么多的期望，对我是一种不需要的压力不是推动力。我明白我自己是个需要自由的人。你不明白，就别对我有意见，因为我不需要，我有我自己的做法，我不用你们来告诉我怎么做。So please, keep you mouth shut, watch me and don't comment. I have never, and will never disappoint.

yawns. oh well, i like the show on channel 8 at 9pm. really. i think its one of the best show mediacorp ever made, tho i still like condor heroes better =p. this show brings out every feeling man! dulaness, touched, glad, happy, sad, etc etc. i like it so much that i even have a portable tv in camp so that i wouldn't miss it in case im not going home or am out in the field. quite sad that its ending like tmr?! omg la, could have made it a very long series. like those 1000 series drama from hk. all the characters in the show are extremist man! assholes are big time assholes, irritating aunties are uber irritating to the maxxxxx. and evil dudes are really evil man. everyone in the cast really acts damn well. eg, automatic aunty. wah everytime i see her really man i would never get so annoyed at anyone as much as her. haha, her actions, the way she speak and all, omg where to find, such ppl in reality would prolly been killed. by me no less. hahah. in fact everyone in the show.. i don't think would really have such ppl in real life. especially the ma zhi gang. the way he treats he's grandma, donate few billion to charity also no use. straight away go to hell man. and to think his grandma would forgive him aft so much or heartache. and mo xiao ling's char, together with the family. would make the uber cheating family man. but one thing still lingers in my mind. something he said. about his life before becoming bankrupt. very true actually, in this world, nth is more impt than money itself. im sorry if many would disagree, but i myself believe money values all things in life. everyone and everything has its own value. no one is not disposable and has their due-by date. so before such things happen to us, we have to make full use of ourself, our environment and everything that can make us worth sth, and to ensure that in the later period of our life we are safe and not penniless. to an extend that i value everything with a dollar sign.
and everything in the show seems to superimpose on it. like nancy's eldest daughter. for pride and money, one would go to the extreme of sacrificing something in exchange for an advantage to better one's own lifestyle or living standard. evil it may seems but i agree to a certain extent that what she did was right, tho disowning her own family was morally wrong.
anyhow, from my stand, deep inside i know plenty of things presented in the show, is the truth and usually truth are the ones that are the hardest to accept. despite the effort of the script writer to cover wad he/she was presenting with humour, i myself somehow am able to link plenty of stuffs in the show to wad i think about life. like a phrase i always agree upon, riches may not bring u happiness, empty wallets will never bring you any happiness. and a few others like, everything needs money to maintain, relationship, life and even friendships, without money and engaged in such liabilities, theres only so much u can do till u realised 2 ppl with different wallet size will nv be place upon the same line regardless of their status.

well actually i have plenty of my own views in life, but lets have it coming slowly one at a time =) im actually very thoughful abt such stuffs. :D

as promised.