For all that waited but in vain, I'm back.
For all that stumbled upon this, good job.
For the rest that didn't care, well i don't care either.

Quite some time since my last entry, this will be the one for last year and this.
First up, the only reason for me not being around is because i'm preoccupied by another.
Truth is, time really flies when u have a bunch of stuff to run your clock down everyday.
Been a long time since i'm in green and now im soon tearing it off. no more smelly boots for awhile,
no more waking up at 6am in the morning to get fucked and to fuck. no more bullshit jams in the morning to kill my day and no more chocolate bars and crabs above me yelling at me. im happy it's soon over. yet somehow, i don't really want to lose that familiarity that i had for the past 2 yrs and so. but i know that i must get out of this phrase in my life;
pick up the books, restart my brain and go to school. damn. i miss school. for real.

yet before i can get out of this phrase of my life, somehow they have to whack me thru and thru before releasing me. there goes my passport and signing of weird visa to get my ass all the way from sillypore to the land of curry powder and strolling cows. where else in the world can u get arrested for killing a cow ? thats right, India dammit. as much as dreading to go india, somehow i want to get out of singapore for awhile. things haven been as smooth as it seems to be and im getting confused over stuff in every aspect of my life. for the past yrs i have been observing and participating in the good the bad and the not so everyday kinda stuff. i have seen and experience stuff that will prolly be on my mind for a long long while.

I've been wondering if theres a total understanding of one's mind. why? because somehow no one seem to understand mine. either im too complex or i do not show myself as who i am.

maybe the truth is no one really care.
truth is i dont really care much either but me being me i just like to ponder.

rough patch baby. might be someone or something of the past, yet i keep seeing em in the future. prolly not a good sign and im not ready to accept it yet. reading what you wrote on the net makes me wonder even more. a simple msg it may seem and the reasons you gave might be acceptable to you yet i don't have a mind made to think like yours. trust me when i say its hitting me hard and bad and non of the days aft that was a nice day. acceptance has different levels and prolly you are more of a human than i am. i wish i never saw things to make me like this but i cant hold on any much longer. i used to wake up seeing your face in my head but now i just see u and another. tears aint an option simply because i have long forgotten how to cry. maybe we weren't meant to be, which is what i suspected since a long time back. i never felt i needed anyone. till now it's still the same. i can see myself in a distance, i know i am not myself anymore. years i tried to hold back the devil, but its creeping into me once again. i have seen plenty of professionals to keep him inside but now i can feel him coming back to take over me once again. once i prayed to you. for a lifetime you will never leave me. i can always see you and feel you wanting to take over me, letting you decide on my path of life. maybe i should. i never really felt bad for the things that you done. i'll gladly accept anything that you give me in life. for all the death that i shld get, u prolly got em away from me as i had unfulfilled mission to carry out on earth. bring me back soon my dear. im tired.

for the two that ill never get to see, im sorry. i wake up everyday having myself to say sorry to both of you. for awhile it was jsut one. now its 2. im sorry for the selfishness i had in myself. sorry for the gifts i couldnt afford. sorry for the life i couldnt give. sorry for the mess that went too deep. a million apologies wouldnt account for everything that ive done, so please come and get me fast. just me will do and leave the rest unharm.