For all that waited but in vain, I'm back.
For all that stumbled upon this, good job.
For the rest that didn't care, well i don't care either.

Quite some time since my last entry, this will be the one for last year and this.
First up, the only reason for me not being around is because i'm preoccupied by another.
Truth is, time really flies when u have a bunch of stuff to run your clock down everyday.
Been a long time since i'm in green and now im soon tearing it off. no more smelly boots for awhile,
no more waking up at 6am in the morning to get fucked and to fuck. no more bullshit jams in the morning to kill my day and no more chocolate bars and crabs above me yelling at me. im happy it's soon over. yet somehow, i don't really want to lose that familiarity that i had for the past 2 yrs and so. but i know that i must get out of this phrase in my life;
pick up the books, restart my brain and go to school. damn. i miss school. for real.

yet before i can get out of this phrase of my life, somehow they have to whack me thru and thru before releasing me. there goes my passport and signing of weird visa to get my ass all the way from sillypore to the land of curry powder and strolling cows. where else in the world can u get arrested for killing a cow ? thats right, India dammit. as much as dreading to go india, somehow i want to get out of singapore for awhile. things haven been as smooth as it seems to be and im getting confused over stuff in every aspect of my life. for the past yrs i have been observing and participating in the good the bad and the not so everyday kinda stuff. i have seen and experience stuff that will prolly be on my mind for a long long while.

I've been wondering if theres a total understanding of one's mind. why? because somehow no one seem to understand mine. either im too complex or i do not show myself as who i am.

maybe the truth is no one really care.
truth is i dont really care much either but me being me i just like to ponder.

rough patch baby. might be someone or something of the past, yet i keep seeing em in the future. prolly not a good sign and im not ready to accept it yet. reading what you wrote on the net makes me wonder even more. a simple msg it may seem and the reasons you gave might be acceptable to you yet i don't have a mind made to think like yours. trust me when i say its hitting me hard and bad and non of the days aft that was a nice day. acceptance has different levels and prolly you are more of a human than i am. i wish i never saw things to make me like this but i cant hold on any much longer. i used to wake up seeing your face in my head but now i just see u and another. tears aint an option simply because i have long forgotten how to cry. maybe we weren't meant to be, which is what i suspected since a long time back. i never felt i needed anyone. till now it's still the same. i can see myself in a distance, i know i am not myself anymore. years i tried to hold back the devil, but its creeping into me once again. i have seen plenty of professionals to keep him inside but now i can feel him coming back to take over me once again. once i prayed to you. for a lifetime you will never leave me. i can always see you and feel you wanting to take over me, letting you decide on my path of life. maybe i should. i never really felt bad for the things that you done. i'll gladly accept anything that you give me in life. for all the death that i shld get, u prolly got em away from me as i had unfulfilled mission to carry out on earth. bring me back soon my dear. im tired.

for the two that ill never get to see, im sorry. i wake up everyday having myself to say sorry to both of you. for awhile it was jsut one. now its 2. im sorry for the selfishness i had in myself. sorry for the gifts i couldnt afford. sorry for the life i couldnt give. sorry for the mess that went too deep. a million apologies wouldnt account for everything that ive done, so please come and get me fast. just me will do and leave the rest unharm.

When all we see is just the face of reality and not the inner mind of everybody.how could we see one's truth and everyone's lies?
Kk i know i haven been writing at all. maybe because I'm busy. or simply because I'm just tired. really find no motivation to write stuff. been quite lethargic lately.
For u guys who wonder, I'm still fine. still alive and kicking. not very happy but not very really sad either. I seem to have this habit of drifting away into my own circle and observe pple and try to guess what they are really thinking. For the past few weeks, i guess this is the case. Plenty call it MIA, but i just simply wana get back into my own shell once in a while, when everything thats happening is just too overwhelming, so don't worry I'm fine. Haven been seeing much pple lately, now im ready to see them again. back to the funny me :). will update soon i promise k dont keep haunting me. hehe.

I miss grandma. somehow it intensify at this point of the yr.
Its when she pass away that i start to slowly lose my roots.
which is my own dialect.
i remember i could speak hainanese so fluently.
yet now i couldn't string a sentence together without thinking for awhile.
and it has been a long while..

Wee, today quite fun. haha was helping out in enlistment for another Battalion so i was station at Boonlay Interchange as station IC. haha at least one day i can work OUT of camp. been a long time since i step into an interchange or Mrt station. haha! feeling so lost, duno where to walk and such. damn noob. i realise, Boon lay alot of ppl man! was there from 7 - 11am, wah lau jam pack man. canot even walk properly in a straight line without having ppl blocking my way. damn irritating. and those ppl queuing for free papers, like fighting over gold like that, everyone keep snatching the free papers, don't understand, jsut buy straits times or something la, those free paper, news so little where got nice to read. ( i manage to snatch one to read so ya i know whats the content. LOL ). i would prefer straits time anyday. ( I do read ok, i read em everyday. who says i don't read newspaper. =\ ) haha ya so anyway, see alot of ppl coming for the enlistment, could see the sad faces of the new recruits. i dont remember being so sad when i first enlist. army is fun! hahaha! alot come with their parents, but some turn up without which makes me wonder why. but im not gona discuss abit it. kinda sad yo. haha but some of them got pretty sisters and gf man, all my assistants were bz looking ard for chicks instead of helping me out. heng its in the public else i would have given them a good fuck. LOL oh ya i saw Grace! from my sec sch class 4E. LOL she recognized me leh! haha! i dont think anyone would have recognized me in my uniform & beret but she did! so touched man, tho i look stupid but nvm, at least got ppl still can spot me LOL. she jsut came back from UK, haha! i tink the first person whom she new to see is me. LOL duno is sway or wad for her but i haven seen her for a long time! i remember all the nonsense i keep talking to her abt in class and her over the top reaction to what ever announcement the teacher made in class. she likes to say SHIT! even now! hahah SHIT SHIT SHIT. damn funny.

oh ya anyway, i jsut bought my bodykit for my new car, damn expensive la. side skirt, rear front bumper , front lip, HID conversion kit, eye lid and spoiler for.. 1988! wah lao. eat grass for the whole month liao =( will upload pictures when i get em sprayed and installed. spraying will set me back for another 600 - 800. sian. But hey, i jsut remember i don't have a camera! LOL!


oh ya oh ya. 1 more yr to ORD! LOL

Time to body kit my new baby and rekit my old baby.. XD $$ into the cashier machine :)

I hate the fact i have to give up 2 wheels for 4.
so i have to create a plan to keep my babe.
thankfully i have 6 wheels now XD.
smart me.

kinda hate the fact i have to travel so far daily. guess i just have to tahan for a year more.
dun really have much of a choice. and the sky looks bleak. nb.

Tan Yina. Happy Birthday sis. LOL. same la both old ok. dun feel abit wiser lei. dun wry im very safe alrite. hahah. anyway. super pissed off la. when i was in camp, shall not elaborate on it but i have to say sometimes i don't really wish to be a team player. it sucks to follow someone else idea.
But still its good to have someone higher up to back u. feels invincible. wah-ha-ha.
Anyway, went for yina's celebration of her 22 year OLD birthday. haha. so sorry that i was late, cuz .. something cropped up la. which was the thing that pissed me off. rush down to marina straight aft my meeting in camp. broke a record on the way, i think it just took me 10 mins to reach marina from sungei gedong. lol. someone will scold me for speeding again. ahaha.
met them at tis jap restaurant at.. damn i dun remember that place name. not really worth mentioning since i din have anything other then an ice-cream cum red bean tang yuan dessert.
nice la, but.. sick of it aft a few mouth. best is.. i paid 50 bucks and got back 20 dollars. whoa man. finally ate an icecream more expensive than hagen daz. Lol. damn.

Anyway, some pics from the restaurant itself.

the stupid dessert i have. cost me 30 bucks. =( yun why u cheat me =(


erm.. our birthday cake. i don't know why it's strawberry la. im not a girl leh. Not fair!


Me, and the birthday girl



make wish lor =\

somehow i feel i will be doing this every year. LOL


anyway, tis looks totally gay. oh well. thanks for the effort. LOL


haha i like to take picture wif her. make my pic look so much brighter!





with the pretty lady. ya ya i noe wad u all gona say. shuddup ok. LOL.

din noe i look so good in candid. LOL




Still wan somemore! hahah!

anyway no la, she jsut had one. but looks like it ya. LOL


do i look angry? she looks more angry lei in my opinion argh!

a grp shot.


So aft that, went to this bar call.. le bar. ha-ha. lame name, and this stupid yuanda, make me park so far away and walk to the bar making me change parking area. idiot. anyway nice place la. played alot of stupid games. cant drink much or rather not allowed to drink much cuz im riding. alot of pics la, but cannot put i guess but i cant help to put this up. gives u an idea wad we were playing lol.


So after 2am we all decided to leave, and i think cause yun scared im drunk or wadever reason asked me to ride slow. for the first time in my life i took so long to reach paya lebar from town. LOL, cannot take it man. all the way 60-70 seeing trucks overtaking me. i tink my bike was crying all the way home. haha safety first anyway =). and i prolly have to say goodbye to my baby soon. real soon. =(
LOL so that sums up my day with em. 10 yrs or more.. and counting =)

Hey, im rather busy of late, so dun scold me if i don't blog. =(
anyway, really damn tired.
u noe, for a few months since im at 42sar, basically.. im just twanging ard. twang means slack, jiak zhua. really lol din bother to go run, just bringing my men ard for lessons. so suddenly i was task wif performing an instuctor stint in armour training institute. to teach.. well my speciality, which is mortar. duno whats that just ask me la i can explain in details to u. ya so.. initially i thot being an instructor just basically twang ard also.
liew, so wrong lei. they assigned me to be a chief instructor. so lan lan everything i have to do. to learn mortar, first thing ur maths muz be good. alot of calculatings that ur calculator will nv be able to deduce the answer. i swear, its that hard. lol.
spend quite a big effort to make the trainees understand my lessons. coaching them one by one, doing maths sums over and over again to make them get it. if u know me well enough, u'll noe actually i love maths. and im qutie good at it. LOL no bullshit alrite, my grades prove it =p. anyway, was quite surprise im quite good a teacher! haha! GTO! LOL thats what my trainees call me, cuz u noe.. i dun look like a teacher. nor do i speak like one. my lessons are always filled wif vulgarity. but thats just me la. trying hard to speak more politely, but its harder den rrunning 50km. lol. so anyway i set a first test paper in my whole life, but i made it too difficult that 90% of my trainees failed LOL. was just funny having them complaining. mind you i don't treat them as my men, cuz they are future commanders, im just training future specialist and officers to be expert in mortar. tho mortar quite zuobo.. but u duno the pain we have when we are activated ok!! especially when everything breaks down and u have to do things manually. not fun alrite. so i have pride in my vocation and my expertise. so anyway i set an easier paper and most of them pass quite well, without cheating. made me feel quite proud that i did my job well and my trainees did put in their best effort to learn. treated them canteen for the good results, and not forgetting giving extra lessons to those who sadly did not manage to do so. so after clearing the lessons in the air-con room, its time to go to the field itself and learn the mortar operations hands on. its not fun carrying 480 kg ard. tho there are wheels on it, imagine dragging it all ard the place, up the hills and slowly carrying it up a curb. not an easy feat and soemtimes i have to show them myself together wif my instructors. and my job was to tekan them, not myself. hahaha. had alot of field exercises to go to, waking up at 4 and ending late at night. tho they dun complain, i do feel their shagness. cuz I AM. hahah! endure! but im dying! lack of slp la. so if u guys have time, help me slp a lil more alrite? =) hahahaha. out

first up, to my lovely mum friend. LOL you noe im talking abt u. so sorry for making u wait for me! KnT's fault. burn them down! ahah anyway really thanks for waiting and pei me for like 1 hr. ur a uber nice fren yo. we can talk abt anything. hahaha if u see this, yea this is for u. muacks! n ur son of cuz. LOL

2ndly, yinwei. wah lao. i noe we fren for damn long but.. u gave me a red packet for my bdae. where got fren give red packet one. LOL reminds me of chi new yr. LOL anyway the thought really counts alot. im not someone whu say this frequently, but lao ban, ur wishes are felt. thanks =)

3rdly to dovan and andrew. thanks ah u all, every yr muz make me uber drunk. cannot drink alot la my liver is dying. so for my coming birthdays please spare me a lil and dun force me to drink so much alrdy la =(

last but not least to all the well wishes. thanks fr al =) xoxo

Oh no0! older! wrinkles, blemishes! all the signs of aging ! i dun wan ! wheres my loreal?!
LOL. anyone wana pay for my facial treatment?
thanks for the wishes. happy 22nd to me! hehehe